She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
