Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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