Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Are we still banned from the library?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
