they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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