lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
