my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
