The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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