Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
