haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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