i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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