I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
