you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
