I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
