No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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