well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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