my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
