K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
