are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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