I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize