I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
