You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
