You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
