please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
