kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
