so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
