Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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