oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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