no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
