I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
