I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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