Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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