Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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