Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
