Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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