I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
