Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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