True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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