so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
