im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
