Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
