yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
