yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
