He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
