well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
