I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
