why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
