so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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