Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
