areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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