I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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