Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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