Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
