fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just threw up on my dentist
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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