i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please don't give away my fajitas
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
