Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
